May 31st, 2022
We arrived on the planet CRAVITY late last night and celebrated our successful voyage with an early sleep. No champagne for this team. Even if we had wanted a grand celebration, this planet’s quirky physics wouldn’t allow it. Gravity is constantly changing here. Our Mission Specialist dubbed it “crazy gravity,” or “cravity” for short. The nickname stuck, and that’s what we’re calling this bizarre little pitstop at the edge of the universe.
Project V.I.V.I.D launched two years ago, the first of its kind to employ regular civilians to chart the unknown reaches of space. I enlisted through the Universe app, more as an escape than anything. Back home, things have changed beyond recognition and I just can’t deal with it anymore.
They call it the “Great Reduction.” Due to the collapse of the public school system and the effects of social media, the number of words in the English language reduced from around half a million to just over five thousand. Now, language is largely developed through vocal stress, affectation and facial expression. Phrases like “Rata-tat-tat,” “Bop! Bop!”, “Du Du Du” and “Nanana” have a host of diverse meanings, but with my resting bitch face I find it difficult to express anything beyond disdain.
I’ve always loved words. As this team’s linguist, it’s my goal to bring a new vocabulary to Planet CRAVITY. But first, I’ve got to fight through this antigravity-induced nausea and crawl out from my capsule without losing what’s left in my stomach.
Suddenly, the lights in my capsule shut off, replaced by darkness. I hear the atmosphere control system sputter to a dull silence and my throat immediately tightens. I panic for a moment and listen for the backup to kick into gear. But, nothing happens. Another minute of this and the whole ship will be crushed by the planet’s forces.
As I clutch my throat and gasp for air, the outside door lifts open. Silver light pours into my capsule and a long, slender arm reaches forward. I gasp – this time not from oxygen depletion but from surprise. Floating mere inches from my face is-
Please download the app for the full story.
Now that I’ve done the requisite Universe App spoof (the cut on this music video is particularly cruel…), my thoughts on the actual song are simple and familiar: The fast bits are pretty good. The slower bits drag them down. The guys sound great. The chorus is super underwhelming. The song has one of those awful second-verse slowdowns.
If you want an excellent song in a similar style, listen to JO1’s Born To Be Wild instead.
| Hooks | 7 |
| Production | 7 |
| Longevity | 8 |
| Bias | 8 |
| RATING | 7.5 |
The Bias List // K-Pop Reviews & Discussion 
Well, I can easily confirm that this song is one of the best BG releases of this year (as well as Universe tracks). In the world of today where the absolute majority of boy groups are shouting and posturing, the track feels like a breath of fresh air. On the other hand, it could do even better with more engaging hooks.
8.25 for me (7,8,9,9).
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skipee dee dee de la da boo bop
sha la di dee whoop di dee doo bop
and we boogie to the boogie dee beat
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Poetry
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Weki Meki Yummy Love’s prechorus
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Is it bad I want more of the story? Ha, it is nice to see Nick flexing his fiction-writing skills from his books-writing years (although I haven’t read any of it so I wouldn’t know how his decade-old books come to par nowadays).
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Floating mere inches from my face is, much to my bewilderment is not anything human or not even anything belonging to the host planet, but a droid. Making my worst fears come true, the droid’s vocabulary only consisted of oh-na-na-nas and maem-maem-maems and rat-a-rat. With its limited vocabulary that was also vaguely threatening, it was unable to ascertain its intentions. But when the rat-a-rat incantations begun, a thought immediately struck my mind and filled me with horror. This droid, with its silvery body, slender arms and suspicious vocabulary, was none other than the kpop song destroying droid. So the fabled droid that existed only in myths has been discovered.
So the legends were true. There did exist a droid that sabotaged great songs and talented groups intentionally. My eyes welled with tears at the recollection of one of my favourite kpop groups Golden Child being given an absolutely disappointing and annoying song, when also containing a past catalogue of hits like Without You, One, and more.
At that time, the committee members suggested the existence of such a damaging phenomenon, but I couldn’t be sure. At the time of these lazily written songs, gems like Criminal and Beautiful Beautiful have also emerged, from the same industry. Alright, songs like these have existed for quite some time, but have increased in recent times with alarming frequency.
With these thoughts, I sat paralyzed in my seat, wondering what else existed. If the existence of these droids were true, I couldn’t even fathom what else was possible.
A whole platoon of these droids? An inevitable takeover of the entire kpop industry by these kind of songs? A world of mismanaged groups? Wires running with repetitive farty loops that we will be forced to listen? *Shudders*
(Ofc because I read the full version on the universe app. Masterpiece. And an alarming forewarning of what could come)
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Bravo!!
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cant wait for a song titled “shoog shoog shoog”
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I actually kinda do like this song! Though til this day only their debut track still remains in my head…
Also, will you be reviewing Lucy’s Blue Voyage? It comes with an MV!
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(yeah, actually the song isn’t bad, though I only got to hear half of it)
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Not planning on it. It’s a nice little song, but I don’t have much to say beyond that.
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That was better than the song for sure! Perfect comic timing.
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yay my dream of nick writing a story came true
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Haha it already happened eleven years ago! 😉
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ok i finished reading this a few weeks ago and i can confirm it is a decent read. meandered a bit in the middle but the finale was a knockout
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Okay, this is your best Universe review since the WEi one, and In a Dream’s extended version is equally classic! I think the great comments series might need updating!
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yeah when is nick gonna update it its been a year
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I liked the upbeat energy of the song. I’m just glad they stayed in the general direction of adrenaline. It makes me hopeful for their next comeback 🥰
Also, I got my ticket to see golden child in Denver 😍 very excited!!
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looking back at this, the story feels like a sequel to idiocracy
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”Now, language is largely developed through vocal stress, affectation and facial expression. Phrases like “Rata-tat-tat,” “Bop! Bop!”, “Du Du Du” and “Nanana” have a host of diverse meanings, but with my resting bitch face I find it difficult to express anything beyond disdain.”
nah they’re saying “skibidi rizz gyat sus” instead! whatever the fuck that means is up to your interpretation
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